Mr K's Guide to Guns
by Linalin
Summary: The title is pretty self-explanatory.


Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation. If I did, this wouldn't be a fanfic, now would it?  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------- Mr. K's Guide to Guns  
  
K: Hi there! I'm codename "K", the manager of the band "Bad Luck". People always ask me what it takes to be a good manager and I tell them...GUNS! That's right guns!  
  
Shuichi: Are you sure about that?  
  
K: (points a handgun to Shuichi's forehead)  
  
Shuichi: Y-yes sir.  
  
K: (lowering the gun) This right here is the Smith and Wesson 329PD Magnum .44. This piece of work has a grip frame that just rolls in your hand which absorbs a good amount of the felt recoil, making it such a pleasure to shoot. This is one of my most used. Its uses include waking your clients up, encouraging your clients, and kidnapping. Allow me to demonstrate. Shuichi, sing the scale 6 times.  
  
Shuichi: Ok. Do...Re...Mi...Fa...  
  
K: (points the gun at Shuichi's head again)  
  
Shuichi: (shaking)SoLaTiDoDoReMiFaSoLaTiDoDoReMiFaSoLaTiDoDoReMiFaSoLaTiDoDoReMiFaSoL aTiDoDoReMiFaSoLaTiDo  
  
K: Good. (puts away the Magnum .44 and brings out a larger one) This right here is Heckler and Koch UMP .45. This automatic comes with a vertical foregrip, flashlight, sound-suppressor, and polymer one-piece magazine loader. It shoots off 580-700 rounds per minute, making it great for crowd control. Let's begin! (K removes his shirt, thousands of fangirls surround him).  
  
Fangirls: Oh gods! It's K! He's so awesome!  
  
Cheerleaders from the Orange Range "Viva Rock" Music Video : A-M-E-R-I-C-A- N!  
  
K: (puts on his Terminator glasses)  
  
Fangirls: They look so good on you K! You're so hot! Please marry me!  
  
K: (shoots gun in the air)  
  
Fangirls: (running away)  
  
K: Now, if that doesn't work, you could always throw this in. (pulls a grenade from his pocket, removes the pin, and throws it to the crowd)  
  
Shuichi: Shouldn't we be nice to our fans? (grenade explodes)  
  
K: (still shooting, pulls out the Magnum .44, and points it at Shuichi)  
  
Shuichi: (runs away)  
  
K: (stops shooting, switches guns again) This is the Barrett M-82A1. It's quite heavy at 32.5 pounds, but its effectiveness surpasses the discomfort by far. This firearm has Sorbothan recoil pad and a scope with ironsights. Its range is 1830 meters. My favorite use for this gun is taking out those who stand in your client's way like disgruntled lovers. (aims the gun to a cut out of Yuki and shoots 3 bullets in his heart).  
  
Shuichi: (crying, runs back to hold the cut out in his arms) Yuki, what has he done to you? (licks the cut out's face like a cat). K, you bastard! (grabs a sword from nowhere and slices K's head)  
  
K: (is perfectly fine after nearly being decapitated, switches guns) This is spring gun is the Sig Sauer P226 Silver. This is the best way to discipline your client, without hurting him right before gigs. (shoots Shuichi)  
  
Shuichi: (trying to protect himself with his arms) Ow! Ow! Ow!  
  
K: (switches guns) And now for the coup de grâce of my arsenal. This is the S&W 500 Magnum. (pulls out a cloth and begins to stroke the 8-3/8" barrel with it).  
  
Hiro: (sweating in the background)  
  
Shuichi: (looks back and forth to Hiro and K) No one's going to believe this pairing.  
  
K: But, it's true. That's why Murakami paired us up in REMIXes 7&11 and had us do that dress up together.  
  
Shuichi: Aren't you married?  
  
K: That's what a .22 shotgun's for. (looks back at Hiro) It's show time folks! (puts away the gun and cloth and walks off with Hiro).  
  
Shuichi: Are all Americans this psychotic? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------- Author's Notes Ok, before you get offended by Shuichi's last line, I meant it to refer to K and I. This is just a quick dumb idea I came up with after reading Gravitation 5. It's in the script format because I was lazy. It still took awhile to write though. I had to do a lot of research on guns. The only one that I can actually prove is true is the Smith and Wesson 329PD Magnum .44 (in the manga K mentions it's a magnum .44 and in the Animation Fanbook, it mentions the gun being a S&W). The references to REMIXes 7&11 are true! REMIX is an extremely hot Gravitation doujinshi series written by Murakami's circle, CROCODILE-Ave. Please don't flame me (although I probably deserve it). This fic is just an ode to K's personna. I'd still love reviews. 


End file.
